Sunday, July 29, 2007

Lesser known child safety songs

Dude, the day’s real boring and you’re feelin’ loose
So you kick back with some mates and make a noose
But don’t put that piece of rope round your head
Or your neck will snap and you’ll be dead dead dead!

Remember: mates don’t hang mates!

It’s Sunday morn and you don’ wanna go to church
You’re cheesed off with their tired meaning search
But talk to your priest with his musty old smell
Before you sell your soul to the devil in hell!

Pray safe, stay safe: black rites are wrong!

You’re rollin in the park and you gotta go bad
So you skate off home with your bladder goin’ mad
But take off those skates after you do your tricks
Otherwise you’ll slip on the tiles and break your coccyx.

Be safe, wee safe: bathrooms and roller blades don’t mix

Your folks are away and you’re feelin real cool
Nothing seems finer than a little alco-hool
But don’t hook yourself up with a little wee dram
Or wake up thinkin’ you got hit by a tram

Watch that scotch! Kids should never drink aged single malt whisky!

Her hair’s real blonde and she seems real swell
And you like the fact she’s not from Isra-el
But good Jewish boys should never scratch their itches
By getting’ intimate with those shiksa bitches.

Goyim girls are bad news for jews! Only fuck inside the faith!


Jo said...

I can't leave this one un-commented.
But.. I... my mouth's still hanging open.
I guarantee you - my grandchildren's grandchildren will be singing these songs.

byrd said...

perhaps but they will no longer relate so directly to life as they do now. See the whole 'london bridge is falling' debacle. Just try to get some kid to explain that one eh!

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