Thursday, September 13, 2007

Maybe, If My Arse Was On Fire.

I'm currently trying to organise a few people at work into forming a team for an upcoming corporate-fun-run-type-scenario, because I'm so rock n' roll I can't stand myself.
I asked one of my workmates, Phil, if he might be interested.
He responded by telling me that the only good reason he could think of for running would involve his arse being on fire, and a bucket of water being a good distance away.
I said I could probably think of at least fifteen other good reasons for running, and they're listed below.
Please let me know if you can add to the list, as I'm quite fond of winning unimportant arguments.


1. Being chased by a big angry dog.
2. Being hungry and in a group of three or more people, with a single piece of cake visible in the middle distance.
3. Being threatened at gun point.
4. Being offered a place on a rocket ship exiting an imminently exploding Earth, with fitness being the single most important criterion for getting a seat.
5. Being in the carpark at the beach and seeing your girlfriend drowning a fair way out in the water.
6. Being followed by a swarm of killer bees.
7. Being followed by a group of Seventh Day Adventists.
8. Being thrust into sudden fame, and hence constantly chased by the paparazzi.
9. Being at a party, with "My Heart Will Go On" on permanent rotation on the stereo, which is broken and hence the volume is stuck at eleven, and can be heard by everyone within a five kilometre radius.
10. Being in the Amazonian jungle and having just stolen a valuable artefact, but being caught in the act by some surprisingly fleet-footed pygmies.
11. Being quite near a building that looks like it's about to collapse or explode.
12. Being three blocks away from a bank robber who looks like he's just about to empty his sack full of non-sequential, unmarked bills into the air to avoid capture, just like they do in the movies.
13. Being told you have to jump a long way or your family will die, and needing a decent run-up.
14. Being obsessed with Superman movies, but not able to fly, so seeing if just running around the world really fast will make the world turn backwards so you can save Lois.
15. Being in the main hall of a Comic Expo, or what you thought was a Comic Expo, but discovering you got the date wrong, and you've arrived just in time for the grand final of some kind of running-based competition, the prize being a lifetime pass to all future Comic Expos worldwide.

15 comments:

redcap said...

"Fun run" is a contradiction in terms. Never the twain shall meet, as far as I'm concerned.

I think I might run if I saw John Howard power-walking behind me and gaining. Got to get a good run up to kick the little bastard in the goolies properly.

davey said...

Oo Oo!

16. Because you are a Mexican politician attempting to prove your capacity for endurance by very obviously cheating in a televised Marathon.

http://www.canadianrunner.com/content/view/14273/1/

davey said...

bah.

http://www.canadianrunner.com/content/view/
14273/1/

Jo said...

Damn.
Apparently I'm not authorised to view pages pertaining to cheating political Mexican marathon runners.

Our security policy is quite clear on this point.

Shreen said...

Excuse me, but I am a Seventh-day Adventist. What's wrong with us?

Georgina said...

also I'd suggest that arse on fire would really warrant sitting down. preferably in a puddle or on a woolen rug.

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