Each child comes pre-packaged with its own parental trauma!

Or, what not to name your baby: an instructive poem

New Zealand couple P. and S. W. don’t understand what all the fuss is about.
They have attracted worldwide attention because of their fight to be allowed to name their infant son "4Real."
They chose the name, they say, because after viewing an ultrasound during the pregnancy it suddenly hit them that the idea of parenthood had become - you guessed it - for real.

Buzzle.com

Ebenezer,
Adolf Caeser,
Garttub Wheezer,
Chips;
Richard Small,
Or Richard Biggs,
Or Pritchard Richard,
Or Pips.
Chastity,
Voluptua,
Honoria,
Or Desiree;
F. L. Horatio,
P. N. S. Voratio,
Ralph F. G. Barffman,
Or Hepzibah.
Ron Wong White,
Yorwick Wright,
Darcus Wight,
Or Thomas Witt;
Mary Harry,
Mary Carrie,
Uriah Gaye,
Or Mary Hitt.
Hester Leicester,
Foster Costa,
Barry Larry,
Phipps;
Roland Ronald,
Johnston Johnson,
Mary Myra,
Kripps.
Peregrine Oliphaunt Ormond,
Fassbinder Uther King,
Simon Horace Ignatius Thomas,
Allemand Roger Sing;
Cary Hunt,
Ima Runtt,
Canning Stunt,
Or Ming.

And especially not:

Gina va Biggs,
and Hope-Polly Bumin,
Peter O. Ennis,
And Mary-Lee Cumin.

An offer you can't refuse

From my four year old (let's call him Lars Empoli Crittenden for the sake of convenience):

"You draw animals in a zoo while I go and do a poo".

Charming. And it rhymes!

It's even more appealing as a haiku:

"Father draws captive
Beasts while number one son lays
Shit on porcelain."

I'm now working on a six sonnet series and a performance art piece. Can anybody lend me a zebra and a small quantity of pink-dyed human faeces? Also assistance in filling out the Australia Council grant forms would be appreciated...